<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;">A man with a daughter in <em>shidduchim</em> has his eye on a certain <em>bochur</em>. He wants this boy as a son-in-law. He knows that there are many reasons this <em>shidduch</em> will not work out under normal circumstances. May he <em>daven</em> that the <em>shidduch</em> should work out, or is this not proper? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;">In <em>Parshas Chaya Sora,</em> which is the <em>parsha</em> of <em>shidduchim</em>, we see that <em>Eliezer</em> <em>davened</em> for a <em>shidduch</em> for <em>Yitzchok</em>. He did not <em>daven</em> for a particular person. He could have made inquiries about <em>Nachor’s</em> family and find out which girl would be appropriate and then <em>daven</em> that she should be the girl. We see that a person should not <em>daven</em> for a particular person; he should <em>daven</em> that <em>Hashem</em> should help that the right girl should marry the right boy. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;">The <em>Gemara</em> in <em>Moed Koton 18b</em> states: <em>Shmuel</em> said one is allowed to get engaged on <em>Chol</em> <em>Hamoed</em> due to the fact that someone else may get engaged to that girl first. The <em>Gemara</em> questions, how is that possible? We know that every day a <em>bas kol</em> comes out and says <em>bas ploni liploni</em>. The <em>Gemara</em> answers that we are worried that maybe someone else will get the girl first via <em>tefillah</em>. The <em>Gemara</em> brings a case where a person <em>davened</em> that he should marry a particular girl and <em>Rava</em> told him, don’t <em>daven</em> this way because if it is <em>bashert</em>, then you’ll marry her without the <em>tefillah</em>, and if it is not <em>bashert</em> then you are being a <em>kofer</em> <em>baHashem</em>. We see from this <em>Gemara</em> that <em>tefillah </em>does help and therefore a couple may get engaged on <em>Chol Hamoed</em>, but <em>tefillah</em> is not the preferred way. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;"><em>Reb Chaim Kanievsky</em> spoke about a <em>Yerushalmi</em> in <em>Taanis</em> that is quoted in two places in <em>Perek 1:8</em> and in <em>Perek 4:6</em>. The <em>Yerushalmi</em> asks the same contradiction as <em>Bavli</em>. How could someone be <em>makdim</em> a <em>shidduch</em> if it is bashert? The <em>Yerushalmi</em> answers the same <em>tirutz</em> that with <em>tefillah</em> things can change. However, the <em>Yerushalmi</em> adds that “<em>afilu kein lo kayma</em>” (despite the <em>tefillah</em> this <em>shidduch</em> will not last). One of the two members in this <em>shidduch</em> will die. We see the danger in <em>davening</em> for a particular boy or girl in a <em>shidduch</em>. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;"><em>Rabbi Mendel Sporn</em> adds that while it is true that one should not <em>daven</em> for a particular boy or girl, one may <em>daven</em> that if this is a <em>basherte shidduch</em>, they should be successful in getting this <em>shidduch</em> facilitated in an easy manner. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;" _mce_style="font-size: large; font-family: times new roman, times;">The <em>shidduch</em> crisis can be averted with the right <em>tefillah</em>. Don’t talk, just <em>daven</em>. Let <em>Hashem</em> run the world, and everyone do their individual <em>hishtadlus</em> and <em>tefillah</em>. </span></p>
âMommy, If I Beat Cancer Once, Why Did It Come Back?â
September 15, 2026 2:34 pm
