One thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five years ago, the Bais HaMikdash was destroyed. We have been grieving for a long time.

I recently discovered a psychiatric syndrome known as Prolonged Grief Disorder. The symptoms of this condition include:

• Feeling as though part of you has died.
• A sense of disbelief about the death.
• Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.
• Strong emotional pain related to the death (anger, bitterness, or sorrow).
• Emotional numbness
• Feeling that life is meaningless.
• Extreme loneliness (feeling alone or separated from others)

Evidently, we must be immune as a nation, as it seems we are still functioning healthily despite the prolonged agony of Galus.

What is the secret to overcoming the seemingly endless sorrow we face in the absence of the Mikdash?

Rabbi Yisrael Alnaqua, 13^th century scholar, a student of the Rosh and author of Menoras ha-Maor — who was burnt at the stake while embracing a Sefer Torah, hy’d — offers seven remedies to maintain equilibrium even in the face of the severe pain of anguish.

• Bitachon — trust in G-d
• Tikva — hope
• Sin — culpability
• No griping
• Kaparah — atonement for sin
• Happy with one’s lot.
• Salvation can come instantly. 

These prescriptions for survival correspond exactly to the outlined symptoms of PGD.

The reason a person feels ‘dead’ upon the death of a close one, is due to a lack of confidence in one’s inherent worth and purpose, that only found meaning in association with another. Trust does not simply mean to have confidence in G-d alone, but equally importantly to believe in oneself, ‘I am worthy’, because G-d values ‘me’.

When faced with tragedy one feels the world has come to an end, and instinctively denies the possibility. One who is eternally bound to G-d always maintains a sense of hope for one’s future and has no need to escape reality.

It is more comfortable to not face the trauma, but the courageous see in the challenge an opportunity for growth. Every encounter in life is a message from G-d prodding us towards rectification and growth, and one who lives with that consciousness, responds to the call.

Anger and bitterness merely weaken us, it accomplishes nothing. One who seeks to move forward in life has no room for complaint in one’s vocabulary.

Kaparah more accurately translates as wiping away, cleansing. Emotional numbness stems from a sense of defeat that leads to apathy. However, when we realize that by reacting positively to grief we radiate light upon the world, we restore our lives to the healthy emotions of connection.

One who sees the good in life, living without expectations, appreciating what he has, will never see life as meaningless. Only those who set for themselves expectations are doomed to becoming victims who resent life eternally.

One who believes that G-d can bring salvation in the blink of an eye will never wallow in loneliness, fortified with the knowledge that G-d has our back, and we are never truly alone.

Truth is, each one of these remedies is built upon the previous ones. It starts with faith in our value before G-d, then accepting His reality, never considering any other option. Equipped with that strength we can accept responsibility and challenge, never fearing deficiency and be ready to improve and grow. In the world of genuine duty and obligation there is no room for complaint. From that vantage point we can begin to appreciate the impact our actions have in cleansing our slate, thereby purifying the world.

One though can only be happy with their lot if they have climbed the ladder of self-confidence, hope based on trust in G-d’s masterplan, responsibility, acceptance, and redemption.

One of the greatest tragedies of the history of the Jews during their sojourn in the desert was the denial of Moshe to enter the land after all that he had done on their behalf, and pined to live in the holy land to fulfill its commandments there.

Yet despite where others might have wallowed in grief over that fate, the Torah testifies that Moshe happily sang a song of praise to G-d.

ואתחנן אל ד’ —  And I implored G-d… saying, “O G-d, Lord, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your strong hand, for what power is there in the heaven and the earth that can perform according to Your deeds and according to Your mighty acts?

The Baal ha-Turim reveals that the verb used to describe Moshe’s prayer — ואתחנן, is numerically equivalent to the word — שירה, which refers to joyous song. (515)

Rashi adds that this verb ואתחנן, also indicates one sensing having received an undeserved favor, with the root חנן, similar to the word חנם — ‘free’ (of entitlement). 

One who feels solely indebted to his Creator, without any sense of any entitlement, is one who sings unfettered expressions of absolute joy and tribute to G-d.

Isn’t that the very basis for the notion of one who is ‘satisfied with his lot’, one who has no expectation and only appreciation for all one has received so graciously from G-d?

So here we have embedded in this portion — that always coincides with our post-Tisha B’Av Shabbos of comfort — the anecdote to grief.

Although Moshe was clearly happy with whatever G-d had meted out to him, nevertheless immediately after expressing his exquisite joy with his lot, he makes one more attempt in requesting, “Let me now cross and see the good Land that is on the  other side of the Jordan…”

Was his opening praise merely a ploy to slip in a last appeal?

I believe that all Moshe was doing was concluding the last installment of the treatment plan to stave off PGD — living with a hope and belief that the salvation from G-d can come in the blink of an eye!

Although he was denied, he accepted it with equanimity, as only the one who G-d conferred the appellation of נאמן  — ‘In My entire house he is the trusted one’ — can.  (במדבר יב ×–)

May we each implement these techniques in forging forward mightily — with Perseverance, Growth, and Direction — so that we may soon merit the final redemption returning to the Mikdash, and the coming of the Moshiach!

באהבה,

צבי יהודה טייכמאן